in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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