Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize