Pants 0. Shit 1.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
