watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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