wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
