Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
