Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize