This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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