Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
