I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
