Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
