This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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