Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Text me some of your sweat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize