if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
only you would photoshop your dick
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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