I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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