If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
