I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
