giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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