Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How does one acquire holy water?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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