I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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