i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
