He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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