I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
