Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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