If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
honey bunches of taint.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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