So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
