Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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