and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
