So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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