The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
