Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.