when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
