It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
