I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
