If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
