you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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