I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
