I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
