I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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