I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
