"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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