Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just had sex on a roof
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
