I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
