summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
