If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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