I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I fill condoms, not promises.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
