Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
