Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
