I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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