i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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