Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.