Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover