Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.