the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?