So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You took a bar mat shot.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers