so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life