You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
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My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store