Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.

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(610): please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am. http://tfl.nu/6top

Replies (5) Good night (1658) Bad night (736)
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(914): View more from New York

Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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(914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq

Replies (49) Good night (4303) Bad night (1691)
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(216): View more from Ohio

you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses

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(216): you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses http://tfl.nu/p89j

Replies (20) Good night (2745) Bad night (655)
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(303): View more from Colorado

hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"

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(303): hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen" http://tfl.nu/6cx3

Replies (52) Good night (9594) Bad night (1000)
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(631): View more from New York

Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack

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(631): Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack http://tfl.nu/plmg

Replies (10) Good night (1177) Bad night (4112)
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(914): View more from New York

Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS

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(914): Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS http://tfl.nu/w0yg

Replies (34) Good night (11006) Bad night (1488)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

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(570): I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse. http://tfl.nu/2dei

Replies (8) Good night (3180) Bad night (1639)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.

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(501): I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus. http://tfl.nu/lpxj

Replies (19) Good night (4568) Bad night (2021)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12

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(573): Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12 http://tfl.nu/xbs4

Replies (12) Good night (3884) Bad night (1233)
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(314): View more from Missouri

sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire

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(314): sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire http://tfl.nu/hb2c

Replies (5) Good night (1760) Bad night (900)
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(425): View more from Washington

It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.

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(425): It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends. http://tfl.nu/8ygs

Replies (2) Good night (2019) Bad night (948)
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(705): View more from Ontario

Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(

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(705): Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :( http://tfl.nu/qlv4

Replies (2) Good night (652) Bad night (434)
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(415): View more from California

After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.

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(415): After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling. http://tfl.nu/ibjl

Replies (1) Good night (874) Bad night (371)
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(916): View more from California

I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.

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(916): I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger. http://tfl.nu/3n2g

Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (309)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead

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(973): I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead http://tfl.nu/zr0a

Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (262)

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