after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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