Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
