we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
