I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize