The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
