It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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