I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
