our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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