If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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